I’m so angry right now that if I write what I want to write then it’s not going to be pretty. So I’m just going to sit this here and you can put two and two together about what is on my mind right now.
See, you give folks the world and they squander it. I’m here hurting my heart trying to figure out “Why don’t you love me,” but you know what? The better question is “Why the fuck do I love you?”
From one to the next. I don’t know what Beyonce has to do to win Album of the year, and short of selling my soul I don’t know what I have to do to get these folks to quit playing games with my heart. But what I’m NOT about to do is keep letting folks decide how they get to have me. Know what I realized? When you compromise on their behalf hoping for more, you get stuck at their level. You get caught in this loop of THEM and not enough of you YOU. But no no no not in Kida’s house anymore. I am calling the shots.
There’s nothing not to love about me. There’s nothing not to need about me. I’m lovely. Maybe you’re just not the one. Or maybe you’re just plain DUMB.
Overall I’m TIRED. I thought I was going to be sad, but I skipped over that bullshit ass feeling and skydived into anger. I busted my ass trying to be a good woman and good person for so many people. That’s probably not going to change, but lord knows I now have a limit. I can’t keep giving up myself for ungrateful people. For people who don’t look for me until they want something. I get a “how’s your day?” text right before folks ask me for something.
Maybe I’m a sucker because I don’t ask for anything in return. Unconditional kindness turned into a stepping stone for folks to use me. I’m out here looking for love and genuine friendship. Folks want to destroy my peace and look to me for sex and to live out their fantasies.
But allahdaht is done with. I don’t believe in publicly shaming folks and most times I won’t even pull folks up on their bullshit.
But yall…stop pushing me.
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