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Facebook, Fake Care and Fake People (A series)

Another day of me not minding my business.


So this is part 2. You can read below to see part 1.

So it’s a crisp Friday afternoon in September. The 15th to be exact. Hurricane No Way Jose just lashed at us with his tail because he ain’t shit and instead of disappearing he decides to sing despacito on the ocean. He is moving SLOWLY.

So you know bad weather creates bad decisions.

Like…say…hacking your boyfriend’s facebook page and letting us know that he has hella hoes.

Yall know me. I’m in the cut like…


Briss gang, whole lotta peep shit

Ole girl is mad cuz, we gonna call dude Luigi, aint as loyal as she thought he was and instead of taking her loss (AKA “L”) in silence, she decides to send out a PSA via his page.

See, now Facebook gonna be like the iPhone X and yall gonna need facial recognition to log into your damn account.

But anyways.

Naturally, she gets folks who feel bad for her, poor baby, and you get folks like, well, me who wonder “Girl why you putting your business out there like that?”

Man, she gets mad as shit cuz someone shared the status…that she wrote…that she “wanted his hoes to see.” I guess facebook was gonna filter it so only his hoes would see and the rest of us non-hoes would be Stevie Wonder to the bullshit.

Crazy Shit

Yall. So she swears she’s not mad, and that she doesn’t give a shit, so you know what she does?

Crazy Shit pt 2

So not only is girlfriend not mad, but she’s so “not mad” that she messaged the person who shared the stat to ask them if they have a problem and then…and then…suggests that the person is actually the mad one for sharing her rather pissed off hacker status about her ain’t shit community peen.

AND. AND. She’s so not mad that she’s threatening to shoot folks. Woo lawd

PS. Judgey is me. I was hella Confused. Girl WE’RE mad? We weren’t the one getting played like a deck of uno when the power is out thanks to a storm.

At least go into the weekend without embarrassing yourself in an attempt to embarrass your infidel dick appointments. You know what you could have been doing instead of playing “Hey Barbara this is Shirley Facebook Edition?” You could have been out there with hella hoes yourself girl.

You got the game all wrong sis.



Now this fool over here a few months back in March.

I’m on “Le Book,” after 4 days of being blocked due to “copyright infringement.” Apparently, you’re not supposed to share music videos anymore. But you know what MARK maybe, MAYBE if you had removed the video from the person who actually posted it, I woudn’t have been able to share it. How Bow Dah. Your security team is a flipping farce. Get it together.

Back to what I was saying.

So I’m scrolling through facebook and I pass by a post with at least 14 images of screenshots of what appears to be someone’s infidelity. Yall know me already.

By George what is going on

Read through the comments and it’s one hullabaloo. We got folks being tagged for having their “pissy poosschay” in her man’s phone, we got his friends getting tagged for being bad influences, he’s giving his side, she’s like nah, I don’t want to hear it. I’m through. She’s done with his shit. Him, his explanation, his friends, his photos, his chain, his hair cut, his harem. She is ‘muh’fuken tied.’

Now, while I am thoroughly entertained by this episode of “Love and the Virgin Islands,” I also had to admit I did not see the purpose of this. Could this not have been sent via text? An email? A phone call? Hell go meet up? I do not understand the need to run to facebook to embarrass yourself. Mama and Papa, look, no matter how much you think you’re embarrassing the other person you’re embarrassing yourself. (Yes, both genders because I’ve seen some nonsense from the men’s side.)

What are we really suppose to do when you come on Facebook and tell us about your lover’s infidelity in detail? It’s one thing to just be like “So and So is a cheater and I feel yall should know,” versus “My man, my king, my life’s blood was out here popping becky, suzan, Charlamagne and Jose’s poosschay in my car! MY CAR! While I walked!” Girl you sure you want us to know allahdat? You sure you want us to know that “your king” was out here running down cooch like a 50% off sale on cases of water at Plaza on the first of the month? You really want us in the know that your boomskie is a proud sponsor of Fuck For thee Free Fridays? Ma’am, you wanna do this to yourself? And for what? Cuz someone is still going to go with him. Why yall so quick to come online and embarrass yourselves?

Come. Sit. Talk with me. Why are you this way?

Then there are the comments. I have issues with folks who play the fence. Folks who push you to keep the madness going just so they are entertained, but play the “I understand how you feel and bitches ain shit” card. If you don’t git yo…

If you were really trying to be a voice of reason to this person you would tell them to get the hell off facebook and stop giving folks a free show over some groupon peen. But no, because like the rest of us, you’re being nosy except you want your nosiness approved by playing the kindred spirit. Just stop. The fake care is what grinds my gears.

Now, I’m not in the business of telling folks what to post on their page. It is their page. You can do what you want, when you want, how you want. I just wanna know why and I’m going to address it as I please because we have free opinions. If you didn’t want commentary you 1)would not post it on a public forum and 2)have it set for the public to see. You wanted this attention, now you’re going to get it.

Now imagine my surprise when folks want to know why I’m judging. I? Me? You’re surprised? Are you new here?

Judgey Johannes is my middle name

I was told that I must understand her plight because I don’t know how I would react if it were me.

If I don’t know, you surely don’t. But here’s a tip, if you don’t know what’s going on in my relationships or lackthereof then girl maybe, just maybe, that means that I’m not giving yall a dissertation on the infidelity of men in the Virgin Islands whenever I go through some shit. It’s not that difficult to handle your personal matters without an audience. Facebook does not provide closure. 80% percent of your Facebook friends are strangers. Ask yourself, if I saw this person on the street would I stop them and tell them what’s going on in my life? If the answer is no, then why the hell are you doing the same thing online? Harpo you don’t know these people!

Do I feel bad for her? As far as I’m concerned this is a poorly written sitcom and I’m not about to decipher who was wrong from right. Not putting my head on a chopping block over social media drama. Nah.

Side note: Did she break up with him? Did she clean her car after finding out there are juices in there that aren’t hers? What are the women of his harem doing? Did he ever get to talk to her personally? Why he even driving your car when you have to go to work? He couldn’t drop you at least? Damn. Find out next time on Dragon Ball Z.

About Local Lady Media (73 Articles)
Local Lady Media is an entertainment and humor blog covering everything from local and pop culture, from TV, and movies, to life's random adventures through the eyes of local Virgin Islands eccentric Judgey Johannes--self-crowned Miss Media 2016 to life--who has an appetite for providing commentary on shenanigans because there is no shortage of foolishness/interesting things in the world.

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