All posts tagged: humor blogger

Festival Time with Judgey

Crucian Christmas Festival has come and gone, and although my parade body was still in transit—it got lost in Puerto Rico—I still had the best time ever in the Simply Sophisticated Fun Troupe as they celebrated their 10th Anniversary. Shamari Haynes is a Carnival Connoisseur, A First-Class Festival Feteran, The Maestro of Mas, we can do this all day. What I’m saying is, he went above and beyond for his tenth year, grooming what started out as a little high school troupe, into what is now the territory’s largest, most anticipated festival troupe.

I’m art baby!

The quote has absolutely nothing to do with anything, I just wanted to be pseudo-deep for a minute. Moving along, I always wanted to be drawn. Granted, I wanted to lay down on a soft, luxurious couch in a golden room decorated with the finest, classical art of sub-Saharan Africa, while a chocolate, muscular man with abs strong enough for me to wash my laundry on, sits behind an easel, draped in silk and etches me in exaggerated fashion onto a canvas.

Red Hat PTSD

I know I’m not the only person who can’t look at red baseball caps the same. Every since Pres. 45 campaigned with that damn hat, I give an immediate side-eye to anyone I see with just the color. Online of course, because I never saw anyone with a red hat in real time before…or maybe I never cared before because it was just a damn hat at the time.

To Healthy Living!

I’m taking a cycling class!!! The ending of this year, I committed myself to becoming a much healthier person. I needed to change my eating habits ASAP and become more active. Becoming more active also meant giving up some sleep which is probably the hardest part because I love me some sleep. So. it’s not that I’m losing sleep—because that’s counter-productive—but rather I’m working on staying up more. My sleeping schedule is stupid as hell. I’m the kind of person who would wake up at noon and then go to bed at 4 a.m. I’m not a morning person at all. In fact, I’m inclined to believe people who wake up at 5 a.m. are hellions. Baby Jesus ain’t even up yet, why the hell are you? But I guess I have started joining you underworld folks in order to continue on this “best me” shit.

(c)Localladymedia

Practicing Proper Facebook Etiquette (For -some- men)

I’M TIRED. Ever so often I get an influx of friend requests that have me questioning my online activity because “Whose mans is these?” (written like that on purpose). It’s not really the requests that bother me, it’s just the type of people that come attached to it. I hardly ever get a friend request that doesn’t also come with unsolicited messages. Can’t you just add me quietly? The dust doesn’t even settle on the acceptance before I get that “Hi,” or “Thanks for the add” message. Jesus be a block button, why are you here? Why are you thanking me? And I know it isn’t just to be nice because I’m almost 100 percent certain you don’t also add guys and go in their inbox. Yall are the street salesmen of Facebook. Yall are the religious cults of Facebook. Knocking on my inbox going “Hi, do you have a moment for my bullshit? Can I talk to you about my good lord and saviour Fuhkboyahseh?” Which is why I’m writing this today to teach …

Where’s my food: Tale from Pregnancy

I have a tale to tell. Please do take a seat. This takes place Aug. 07, 2012 in Austell, Georgia. I had this strange craving for chocolate ice cream and tried to get my sister to take me anywhere to get it. Needless to say, she forgot about my pain. However, being the cunning little fox that I am, when she was leaving to take my brothers to some party I decided to tag along for “The Drive.” My nefarious plan, of course, was to get her to stop so I could get my ice cream. My other brother wanted something as well, but he’s not important right now. So, we’re on the road, got rid of the extra testosterone in the car, and Yay! We’re going to get my Ice cream. But not just any ice cream, we decide to go to Wendy’s to get a Frosty instead. Close enough. I get hungry and order food as well, our total was $11.62. Now here is where I get…Confused. After we paid for the food, …